River of Time

You know, a river of time as a metaphor has only worked for me in Sidhartha.

This poem was dry. I felt nothing. It just listed stuff about "the river of time" which is a clichéd topic as it is.

If you want to write good poetry, write something that speaks to the reader, makes them feel, makes them consider life, or the topic, in a different way. But, you're young, so here are some tips: read poetry. Read a lot of poetry. Read the critiques and learn what makes a good poem, and what doesn't. Practice a lot, and for the love of everyone holy, don't just quit. If you really like writing, you'll keep going. Read articles on poetry, those are very nice.

Read something by Fand, Incandescence, or Caligulas_launderette, all very good poets on this site.

Best of luck.

It's not very original but if you look beyond that, you have a good idea and a nice collection of words.

Thanks for the suggestions!

I liked the short scentences in this poem, as it showed the overall theme of time passing by quickly. But the poem didn't grab my attention. "Eternal, Forever, Time" are overused words, you should try to create some more specific and unique images.

Like they said, it's okay, but it doesn't strike me in any way. There's nothing that'll make me remember this after I close this window. It's just kind of...there. The wording's pretty, but it's not saying anything. You need some substance. Some imagery that'll make me think "Wow. That's interesting. I might remember this tomorrow."

Keep writing!

I like the idea of it, but somehow, it doesn't quite get there. It's the same ol', same ol' imagery of time. I think more concrete examples would strengthen this: actually show time passing, you know?

OK, i answered your poll to 'needs work' I like this poem, but I dunno...i think that you could make it much better by adding more imagery maybe?

Gone in an instant,
from the present to a memory.
Endless days, hours, minutes.
- A great peice there!

Meevs
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